SoldierG65434-2's Ficlets

There are many things Omaeda is not. He is not the strongest man, nor the fastest. He is not the most skilled swordsman. He is not the most proficient at kido. He is not the bravest man. He is not the most handsome man (though he can rest easy knowing he is better looking than his mal-formed sister). Chief among the things Omaeda is not, however, is the one thing people think he is; stupid. Though he lacks the ability to properly verbalize his thoughts that does not me he does not comprehend what he sees.

That was one fact that his Taicho did not seem to understand. But, this underestimation did give him valuable insight into the private woman.

Whenever she spoke to him, her posture is ramrod stiff, her brow furrows, and her jaw and fist are clenched. This, he assumed, was because of her dislike of him.

Then, one day, he made a passing reference to Squad 2’s former Taicho, Yoruichi Shihoin. The change in her demeanor has subtle yet drastic. She managed to tense even more.

Omaeda attributed this to her hatred of the woman. He had heard her talk many times about how much she wanted to kill her. However, after the “Ryoka Incident,” he realized that it was she was not angry; she was anxious.

He finally got to see the two of them interact some time after the “Ryoka Incident”. To say he was stunned would be an understatement. He could not hear what they were saying, but her body language spoke volumes. Her posture was relaxed, and he even saw her smile and blush. The rest of the day afterwords, she was far more lenient that she usually is.

He would probably never be privy to the full extent of their relationship, and it is probably for the best. There was one thing he could count on though; Whenever Yourichi is around, it’s going to be a good day.

Soifon trudged slowly towards her quarters after her shift concluded. It was another average day, which meant it was filled with incompetent soldiers, bureaucratic nonsense, and generally things that caused unnecessary stress.

Soifon reached her door and extended her hand, but stopped short. There was some kind of noise coming from the other side. It appeared to have some sort of melody, but Soifon wouldn’t venture to call it music. Without hesitation, Soifon threw open her shoji to see what was causing the disturbance.

What she saw was Yoruichi. She was sitting on her desk wearing her usual black jumpsuit and orange jacket, but she was wearing a black beret in addition. She also had a single rose in her mouth and was eyeing Soifon lustfully.

This wasn’t unusual. Soifon had grown accustom to Yoruichi dropping by whenever time and circumstance allowed. What was unusual was what Yoruichi was doing. She was holding some sort of box contraption between her arms, contracting and expanding it in rhythm. The motion created a hideous noise.

“What are you doing!?” Soifon shouted over the offending racket as she covered her ears. Yoruichi stopped.

“I’m serenading you.” Yoruichi replied after she removed the rose from her mouth. She resumed playing.

“With what!? Some forgotten torture device?” Soifon asked. Yoruichi stopped again.

“I’m hurt,” Yoruichi clutched her chest. “This is an accordion.”

“A what?” Soifon asked confusedly.

“It’s an instrument from the Human world. I learned to play it form a street performer in France.” Yoruichi replied proudly.

“You mean to tell me that there are people who actually want to listen to that?” Soifon pointed at the “instrument.”

“You know, you do this every time I show you something that I’ve learned in the Human world.” Yoruichi frowned.

“Do what?” Soifon raised an eyebrow.

“You make fun of me!’ Yoruichi pouted.

“No I don’t.” Soifon defended.

“Yeah-huh.” Yoruichi crossed her arms defensively. “Remember the time I whittled for you?” Soifon nodded. “You made fun of me for that!”

“You whittled me a smaller wooden block.” Soifon replied.

“It was a symbol!’ Yoruichi pouted.

“Of what?” Soifon asked.

“Of our love.” Yoruichi answered.

“Our love is a small wooden block that used to be a slightly larger wooden block?” Soifon tried to understand the symbolism.

“And then there was the painting I made you.” Yoruichi continued.

“I could still see the numbers!” Soifon shot back without hesitation

“But I still took the time to but the right color on the right number.” Yoruichi’s eyes widened and her lower lip quivered.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Soifon comforted. “I didn’t know that that stuff meant so much to you. I thought that you were joking …”

“I’m just teasing you.” Yoruichi’s face brightened instantly. “Pretty much everyone hates the accordion, so I figured that you would too. That’s why I brought theses.” Yoruichi stood up and disappeared behind the desk. She repapered wearing a green and red plaid beret with a red puff-ball on the top. In her arms was a large green and red plaid sack with various tubes sticking out of it. Yoruichi put her mouth to one and began to blow while she squeezed the bag with her arm.

Soifon instantly clasped her hands to her ears upon hearing the noise the device produced. It was similar to the accordion, only far louder and shriller.

“Now what is that?!” Soifon shouted.

“Bagpipes.” Yoruichi answered innocently, and then resumed playing. Soifon looked around the room frantically for any way of stopping the “music.” Her eyes fell on her bedroom door, which was ajar.

“Yoruichi!” Soifon shouted. Yoruichi stopped.

“What?” Yoruichi asked.
“If you promise me that you will never bring these things back here or play them around me,” Soifon bit her lip in hesitance, “I’ll do that one thing you’ve always wanted me to do.”

“What thing?” Yoruichi asked.

“You know,” Soifon did her best to sound seductive rather than desperate. “That one thing you’ve always asked for but I’ve always said no to.” Yoruichi’s eyes widened in understanding. In an instant, Yoruichi dropped the bagpipes and gave Soifon a sloppy kiss.

“Stay right there.” Yoruichi said hurriedly. “I have to go get…Gah! There’s so much stuff!” Yoruichi disappeared in a flash. Soifon slumped down behind her desk with a sigh.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire, Soifon though. That’s the way it always is with Yoruichi…

Quietly, Yoruichi opened up the door to the cabin. Despite the massive propellers that were visible from the windows, the room was surprisingly quiet.
It was also surprisingly empty.

“There’s no one here.” Soifon readjusted her backpack as she followed Yoruichi to the control terminal of the zeppelin that they were currently in.

“It’s on auto-pilot.” Yoruichi said as she tapped the navigation screen. Superimposed on the virtual map of the area, currently Karakura, were large green block letters spelling “auto-pilot.”

“Come on,” Yoruichi motioned for Soifon to follow. “We have to take this thing down before it does any more harm.” Soifon nodded and followed.

A few moments later, the two women arrived at the engine room. As with the cockpit, it too was completely disserted. Unlike the cockpit, the room was incredibly noisy. The massive engines powering the huge propellers were loud enough without four of them being in the same place at once.

“You have the explosives?” Yoruichi asked as she walked on a cat-walk towards a large cittern label “fuel.”

“Yes, Yoruichi-sama.” Soifon unsung her backpack and opened it. The inside of the satchel was packed with red bricks of Semtex explosives and detonators. “Are you sure that this much is necessary, Yoruichi-sama?”

“We have to make sure this thing is ash before it hits the ground, Soifon.” Yoruichi replied solemnly as she removed a brick of explosives and attached it to the fuel tank. “This thing as done enough harm already.”

Each of the four engines had its own fuel tank. Yoruichi rigged the charges on the left side, while Soifon went to work on the right.

“Alright, when I press this button,” Yoruichi held up the detonator, “We’ll have two minutes to get the hell out of here. You ready to run?” Soifon nodded. “Alright,” Yoruichi depressed the red button on top on the remote device. In unison, a green light began to flash and beep on all of the bricks of Semtex.

“Go go go!” Yoruichi shouted to her former protégé as she bolted out of the engine room. For the two fastest Shinigami, escaping anywhere in less than two minutes wouldn’t be a problem, provided they were familiar with the layout.

Yoruichi ran ahead of Soifon with a map of the zeppelins layout in hand.

“Left!” Yoruichi shouted. The women turned left. “Right! Left! Left! Right!”

The women arrived at the cargo bay. Not wasting anytime, Soifon punched the large red button that lowered the huge door in front of them. The air in the room rushed out as the pressure seal was broken.

“And with a half a minute to spare!” Yoruichi shouted over the rushing air, smiling triumphantly. Before Soifon could respond, Yoruichi dashed forward and jumped out of the zeppelin. Soifon followed.

Free fall is a strange sensation. It was similar to the feeling one felt on the first drop of a roller coaster, but multiplied by one-thousand and drawn out over minutes rather than seconds.

Soifon turned from the ground at the sound of a deafening crack from above her. The engines were aflame, crackling with explosions. On the main airbag of the vessels, there was a chibi dawning of a man’s face. He was wearing a green striped bucket hat and his face was obscured by a fan. Soifon could barely make out the words “Urahara Shoten” on the fan before the highly combustible gases in the airbag ignited, creating a scene not unlike the Hindenburg, only with more secondary explosions.

The women plummeted for over a minute. As the ground approached rapidly, they created a reaitsu cushion under them to negate the impact. Standing a few feet from where the women touched down was Urahara. His head was tilted upward, his face the expression of slack jawed horror.

“What the hell!?” Urahara shouted at the women after finally coming to his senses.

“That thing was an eyesore, Kiuske!’ Yoruichi put her hands on her hips. “It had to be done!”

“Do you have any idea how much that thing cost me?” Urahara waved his arms.

“Not nearly as much as the cost to the town was,” Yoruichi shot back. “Everyone always having to look at your face, hovering around like some kind of…”

“I was advertising!” Urahara cried. “And you!” He pointed at Soifon. “Why’d you help her do this to me?! I bet you never even saw my blimp before today!”

“Because I don’t like you.” Soifon crossed her arms and glared at Urahara.

“Come on, Soi.” Yoruichi grabbed Soifon’s hand. “Running for my life got me all hot and bothered. Let’s go get cleaned up.”

“T..together?!” Soifon stammered, blushing.

“Sure!” Yoruichi answered cheerfully. “Besides, there are some parts of me that you’re better at cleaning than I am.”

Urahara didn’t seem to notice what the two women were saying, or else he would be feverishly trying to get in on their “lesbian shenanigans,” as he called it. As they left, a small piece of the skin of the airbag fell in front of Urahara, its edges singes and black.
Falling to his knees, he picked of the piece of cloth and hugged it to his chest. Slowly, he curled up into the fetal position in the middle of the street.

Soifon watched the sun rays glisten off of the wide river next to her. She was currently out in Rukongai, on patrol with Yoruichi. There had been a report of a couple of Hollows in the area and it was the Seconds turn to patrol this particular region.

Yoruichi had originally wanted to go alone, but Soifon had insisted that she took someone. What was the point of body guards if they weren’t around to guard your body? Yoruichi relented and decided to take her favorite protégé with her.

Soifon walked serenely along the river bank. The Hollows had already since been exterminated, so all they were doing now as a sweep of the area to make sure that it was secure. Yoruichi suggested they split up to make the process go faster. Soifon had blushed at the confidence Yoruichi had in her. Her hands were still sore from gripping Suzumebachi so tightly.

Off in the distance, Soifon spotted her Lady. Just the sight of her was invigorating. Soifon smiled behind her face mask and ran up to her.

“Yoruichi-sama!’ Soifon said as she took a knee.

“Hey Soi!” Yoruichi greeted her subordinate enthusiastically. “Finish the patrol?”

“Yes, Yoruichi-sama,” Soifon’s eyes fell to the ground as she began her report. “As we suspected, those were the only Hollows in the area,” Soifon flicked her eyes up occasionally to make sure that Yoruichi was there. She had a habit of disappearing. “Luckily, we were able to route them before they caused any harm. A few of the villagers I spoke to told me…” Soifon flicked her eyes up again, but she didn’t see Yoruichi’s legs. Raising her head, she found the Goddess sitting on a rock, soaking her feat in the river.

“What are you doing, Soifon?” Yoruichi laughed as she motioned for her to come over. “I’m over here!”

“Wha…!?’ Soifon’s face flushed in embarrassment as she ran over to Yoruichi. “I’m sorry Yoruichi-sama!”

“Relax,” Yoruichi chided, smiling. “Now, you were saying something about villagers?”

“Yes,” Soifon resumed her repot. Yoruichi stopped kicking her feet in the water as she spoke. “The villagers said that the Hollows on caused minor property dam..age!?” Soifon blinked, and Yoruichi was gone.

“Do I need to have you noggin checked out?” Soifon spun around only to find Yoruichi hanging upside-down by her knees from a tree branch. “Are you seeing things?”

“I..uhh…” Soifon stammered, blushing. It was like Yoruichi was in two places at once. Gracefully, Yoruichi fell to the ground.
“Now, your report?” Yoruichi smirked, putting a hand on her hip.

“Uhh…” Soifon fumbled. “T…there was only a few personal effects damaged by the…!” Even as Soifon looked into Yoruichi’s eyes as she related her report, she heard a twig snap behind her. She spun around instinctively and found none other than Yoruichi standing behind her.

“Awww, you caught me!” Yoruichi pouted. Soifon stood, dumbfounded, looking back and forth between the two Yoruichi’s.

“W..what’s going on, Yoruichi-sama?” Soifon asked, a little frightened.

“Shihou Black Ops number 3: Utsusemi.” Yoruichi replied. Soifon watched as the Yoruichi who stood passively with her hand on her hip faded away. “It allows for movements at such great speeds that you leaves behind an after image.”

“An after image?” Soifon asked, bewildered.

“Yes,” The answer came from behind her.

“Please stop that, Yoruichi-sama!” Soifon pleaded after she realized that she had been talking to a mirage.

“But it’s so much fun!” Yoruichi whined. “Here, let me teach you.”

“I couldn’t possible learn a skill such as that!” Soifon bowed. “You time is better spent on other, more profitable venture.”

“Nonsense,” Yoruichi gripped Soifon’s arms gently and pulled her to her feet. “You’re already fast enough. Now it’s just a matter of a few extra steps.”


“How is the training proceeding, Omeada?” Soifon asked tersely to her Lieutenant.

“The troops have finished their hakuda training for the day and have proceeded to kendo.” Omeanda said proudly. Soifon only stood there, impassively with her arms crossed. “Uhh…,” Omeada stammered, wondering what else the strict woman wanted to hear. “A few of the men have started to master the submissions you…” Omeada’s jaw dropped as the woman he was just talking to disappeared in a blink on an eye, her haori fluttering to the ground.

“Taicho!” Omeada shouted in a panic. “TAICHO!” Unbeknownst to him, Soifon stood on a nearby roof top, observing the whole situation while chuckling quietly to herself.

“I’ve never been more proud of you than I am right now.” A black cat said as it rubbed itself against Soifon’s leg. “You still haven’t taught him that little trick?”

“No,” Soifon replied. “He still isn’t quite fast enough.” Soifon smirked. “Besides, it’s more fun when he doesn’t know.”
“That’s my girl.” Yoruichi purred.

Yoruichi turned her back to the body in the bed next to her. The heat emanating from them was comfortable, but it wasn’t what she wanted right now, wasn’t who she wanted.

Why am I here? Yoruichi though sadly as she curled up under the sheets. It was a little past midnight, and the moon was painting narrow white beams over the bed through he shades.

Because it’s familiar, because it’s safe. Yoruichi retold herself for the thousandth time.

Urahara had always joked that he would never play cards with Yoruichi, for love or money. Over her long life time, Yoruichi had mastered what was colloquially known as the “poker face;” the impenetrable, expressionless gaze that held no clue as to the inner workings of the mind behind it.

Yoruichi was a soldier. Emotions are human; one cannot expunge them from their being. But they can hide them. In battle, if a soldier reveals what they are thinking, they become venerable. War is based on subterfuge, and there is no better way to confuse your enemy than to deny them any expression that may let them know that you are tired, or hurt, or happy, or sad, or scared.

But in mastering the “poker face,” Yoruichi lost part of herself. She lost the part of herself that knew how to express. The sly, teasing Yoruichi that everyone knew and subsequently loved was just the second layer to her façade. She laughed because she knew someone had told a joke. She smiled when she knew she should be happy, and frowned when she knew she should be displeased.

It was an act, and not even her closest friends new it. It was, one might say, the ultimate “poker face.” That wasn’t to say that Yoruichi didn’t feel, it was just that she no longer possessed the ability to properly express her true feelings. It had been beaten out of her.
That was why the thoughts she was currently having were so terrifying. How do you confess you deepest feelings to someone who wore their heart on their sleeve when you’re an emotional cripple?

Love was a gamble, and it was currently her hand. Only in this game, you’re not supposed to hide your cards.

No, love is not a card game. Love is more like Russian roulette. If there was ever a group of people that understood the essence of gambling, it was the Russians. Better to die with dignity then to waste away penniless. Yoruichi had the gun to her head. Now, all she had to do was pull the trigger.

But what was victory in this game? Was it digging deep into yourself to find the strength to bare your soul, only to be rejected? Or was it an empty chamber, followed by an empty life of hollow smiles?

Unable to decide, Yoruichi curled up into a tight ball underneath the sheets. She would get up in the morning, and go about her day. She would laugh at Urahara’s antics and scold Ichigo for his brashness. At night, she will cry out in what was perceived ecstasy and slump down onto the bed with a sigh of what seemed like contentment.

But it was all a show. Maybe, one day, someone will finally be able to read her poker face. And perhaps, some day, she’ll finally find it in her to let it fall. Until then, no one will ever know Yoruichi’s inner turmoil and just who it was that made her nights bearable.

“Soifon,” Yoruichi whispered sadly, showing on her face for the briefest of moment’s true longing and sorrow.