siyentista Master of the Maggot's Nest, PhD
Posts : 180 Join date : 2010-05-06 Location : locked inside my head
| Subject: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:13 pm | |
| - Leaving Together:
When the fighting died down, Soifon tried to head towards her allies but faltered in her step, only to be caught by wrist by a smiling Yoruichi. “You fought hard,” she said proudly. Then the princess gallantly swept Soifon off her feet and into her arms like a blushing bride, the red covering the poor woman from head to toe prodding her instead of deterring her.
“Yo-Yoruichi-sama!” Soifon squeaked softly.
“Shh, stop buzzing, my little bee,” the Shihouin said gently, lowering her forehead to touch Soifon’s, while she carried her petite frame slowly off towards the horizon. Even in the glaring orange light, the perceptive captain could tell that Yoruichi was red as well.
“B-but-“ Soifon began to protest feebly.
“We don’t have much time, and I really want to enjoy what little of it there is with you,” the woman responded, her voice unbearably vulnerable in Soifon’s ears. The young commander understood what she meant; she could feel it too—the weakness inside of her, along with Yoruichi’s trembling. Almost instantly, she found herself giving in.
Arriving at a lush riverbank covered with assorted wildflowers, Yoruichi sat down heavily, bringing the slight body with her. Their faces now level, Yoruichi realized that she couldn’t see anything beyond Soifon’s face—didn’t want to see anything beyond Soifon’s face…
… not the burning ruins of the fake town before them, not Unohana-taichou’s bankai busily reviving the Soutaichou, or Inoue-san frantically saving Ichigo’s life.
Through her blurring vision, the dark-skinned woman brushed aside the blood that covered Soifon’s cheek with the pad of her thumb before pulling her tightly to her own bleeding chest. The younger woman responded by pressing herself against Yoruichi’s battered body, shivering.
“Y-Yoru-ichi-,” she whispered, her breathing labored and her words halting. Despite the circumstances, the princess made to smile at finally being addressed familiarly when she felt her former subordinate’s body seize up and go limp. Too soon, the Shihouin found herself clutching at nothing but air, Soifon’s body sublimating into a sparkling yellow haze. But Yoruichi didn’t even have time to grieve before her own golden eyes dulled. The beginnings of her shimmering tears instead dissolved into shimmering blue spirit particles that swirled and mingled with the Soifon’s yellow until the remains of two souls were a verdant vapor.
For a single moment, they hung in the air, indistinguishable and inseparable. Then with a blow of the wind, Yoruichi was gone, but this time she had taken Soifon with her.
- Post-Read Question:
i know i asked this in the fc, but did the start of leaving together fool you at all? i'm just trying to figure out if it was a good idea to do it that way. i mean, i had to keep it vague so the descriptions are kinda subpar in my opinion. but if the surprise doesn't work anyway, then i should have just gone all out with my words from the beginning.
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CaptainYoruichi CaptainYoruichi Level
Posts : 1264 Join date : 2010-05-06 Age : 41 Location : Nerd Palace
| Subject: Re: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:15 pm | |
| I thought they were still living at first, if that's what you're asking. | |
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siyentista Master of the Maggot's Nest, PhD
Posts : 180 Join date : 2010-05-06 Location : locked inside my head
| Subject: Re: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:27 pm | |
| - Spoiler:
i used words like "she was red" or "in the glaring orange light" and stuff like that in the beginning to give the double meaning of blushing/bleeding and sunset/FKT burning. if you came into the fic with a preconceived notion that it was a fluffy fic since it looks like a fluffy scene from the anime, you might not catch it immediately. even protesting feebly and weakness and things like that can be interpreted as something fluffy if that's what you wanted since i never mention the reason or motivation for those reponses/feelings.
heh, i should probably stop trying these sorts of things. this was an experimental piece and it failed. o well. thank god it could stand even without that effect.
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SoldierG65434-2 H-H-Hacker
Posts : 1149 Join date : 2010-05-06 Location : Citadel Station
| Subject: Re: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:30 pm | |
| - siyentista wrote:
- Spoiler:
i used words like "she was red" or "in the glaring orange light" and stuff like that in the beginning to give the double meaning of blushing/bleeding and sunset/FKT burning. if you came into the fic with a preconceived notion that it was a fluffy fic since it looks like a fluffy scene from the anime, you might not catch it immediately. even protesting feebly and weakness and things like that can be interpreted as something fluffy if that's what you wanted since i never mention the reason or motivation for those reponses/feelings.
heh, i should probably stop trying these sorts of things. this was an experimental piece and it failed. o well. thank god it could stand even without that effect.
I wouldn't say it failed. Not by a long shot. It just wasn't as sad as you though it would be. | |
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siyentista Master of the Maggot's Nest, PhD
Posts : 180 Join date : 2010-05-06 Location : locked inside my head
| Subject: Re: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:41 pm | |
| oh, i didn't mean in terms of how sad it was, just whether the double-meaning worked or not. because if that didn't work anyway, like i said, i could have replaced the vague descriptions with more solid ones. | |
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SoldierG65434-2 H-H-Hacker
Posts : 1149 Join date : 2010-05-06 Location : Citadel Station
| Subject: Re: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:42 pm | |
| - siyentista wrote:
- oh, i didn't mean in terms of how sad it was, just whether the double-meaning worked or not. because if that didn't work anyway, like i said, i could have replaced the vague descriptions with more solid ones.
I'd say they worked very well actually. You threw me off, at least. I dodn't start to suspect anything until about halfway though. | |
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siyentista Master of the Maggot's Nest, PhD
Posts : 180 Join date : 2010-05-06 Location : locked inside my head
| Subject: Re: Leaving Together Thu May 06, 2010 5:46 pm | |
| oh, good. that's all i could hope for. it's nice to know that it worked. | |
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